A new to naturism couple mentioned their first experience on a naturist beach was marred by a dressed man constantly walking around the beach with his penis hanging out of his trousers. Thankfully it hasn't put them off and they have found their way to ANW and the lovely people who share this site.

It isn't a fun topic to discuss and one that we all wish was something that naturism didn't have to face, but like every aspect of life, there are people who will ruin an experience for others. Hopefully we may never have this happen to us but what if it did?

I wonder if we have any tips or advice that we can share with people about dealing with bad and inappropriate behaviour on our beach or even with clubs and other opportunities. Or even on the internet.

It could be pests, dune dwellers or internet fakes and image sharers. 

But not all bad behaviour is sexual. Should we accept people who dump their litter, or play loud music, and display other obnoxious behaviour. As naturists we like to be tolerant and respectful of others, but should that include turning a blind eye and allowing others to ruin our day, and possibly damaging the reputation of naturism at the same time. Maybe putting someone off naturism for life, or making women fear going to beaches alone.

Share your tips and advice, and thoughts of when we should act or when we should ignore.

I think a good test to apply is the intent test. I don’t understand guys who walk up and down nude beaches clothed, but I can only assume it’s curiosity. I haven’t detected any malicious intent and it seems everyone just ignores such characters. Most are just passing by it seems.

 

When someone is exposing their genitals, this is even more puzzling. It’s difficult to determine their intent as it just seems very bizarre behaviour. Almost certainly they’re exhibitionists and their intent is questionable.

 

With regard to loud music and other obnoxious behaviour, there are a large group within society that are just downright inconsiderate. They haven’t been brought up in an environment where they’re respected or taught proper respect for others.

 

These types of people are very likely to become confrontational. From their point of view they’re doing nothing wrong.

 

In all other cases if there are a group of regular visitors, they’re going to set the overall tone. For better or worse. When the majority are legit naturists, any misbehaviour can be dealt with as a group. One would hope.

When the majority are there for sexual gratification, the tone of the place is going to be pretty low. It’s difficult to address this short of bringing in the authorities and getting the situation cleaned up.

 

I can’t help feeling if naturism wasn’t the clandestine actively it’s unfortunately become in society, misbehaviour would be far easier to deal with, as there’d be more people, more frequently able to deal with it.

 

Of the semi official beaches I’ve been to numbers haven’t been high. That said the unofficial beach near me seems well frequented with a well behaved crowd.

I had a few encounters you are describing Steve. With litter, I have a zero tolerance and had on multiple occasion to tap on the shoulder of the guys telling them they had forgotten something, with a smile. Most were not happy and may have dumped their stuff further, but I did what I had to do. When it come to sexual behaviors or voyeurs, you cannot say much until the line is crossed (sexually I mean), and here, no discussion is required, just go a get authorities or at least the beach lifeguards, it's a line that cannot be crossed. For loud music, I had to go a discuss a few times with loud guys, always with a smile and a request to decrease slightly the music. It can be confrontational at times, but we need to keep quiet, smile, tell you understand that they want to have fun, they just need to understand that some people come here to relax. It may not work always, but refrain from being confrontational and show respect.

In all cases, on nude beaches, always have a discussion about respect of nudity, respect of self, respect of others and respect of the environment, with a large smile. I know it sounds easier said than done, but one way to do it even better is to get acquainted with other beachgoers and form a group of people who look after the beach or the place. An good example of this is Haulover in Florida, but can be achieved on any nude beach or resort as long as you gather a group of like-minded people who accept to take a small stake in the protection of naturism. Alone you go fast, together you go far.

I read on the internet this week a post about a couple who are giving up on social naturism because they are fed up of people misusing the lifestyle. They referred specifically to a group of men being innappropriate at Studland. Which for those that aren't that aware of it, it is a famous beach with an official naturist area, run by the National Trust and a few years back had a TV series based on running it. So it is historically popular with naturists - possibly the most famous naturist beach in the UK.  https://www.anaturistworld.com/blog/45447/a-naturist-family-naturist-beaches-9-knoll-beach-studland-dorset-england

I sent them a message saying that it is a shame to give up on naturism because of the bad behaviour of some - as this allows themn to get away with it, and by genuine naturists not visiting the beach it will mean that the ratio of those that are badly behaved will get larger and that in turn will put off more genuine naturists  and encourage more people planning to abuse the location. This will in the long term not just effect that location but will encourage other locations to be misused. 

I suggested that these people should be confronted and if that seems too tough then photographed and shared with the police and if the police aren't interested then shamed on the internet. If people there is no fear of having their action questioned then they will continue. 

It seems to me that we are in danger of naturism being more and more misused partly due to the misuse of the word on the internet. Naturism and especially nudism are used as an excuse for sexual sharing. The owners of one large nudist site also run a companion swinging site but the nudist site itself is well known for libertine behaviour. There will always be a minority of people who will abuse naturism - they will infiltrate beaches, clubs, websites - they have probably been around for many decades - but how do we stop their numbers from growing? As more and more people seem less respectful to their fellow humans and place their own desires as more important than being thoughtful to others what can we do? 

Every bad story that is put out there about naturism will discourage more people from trusting us and understanding us, will put off genuine people from being naturists and encourage more bad behaviour from those that are attracted to such ideas. 

Share your thoughts.... 

I encountered something before I met Rin, which is sort of partially naturist related. I was dating a woman older than me, I was forty at the time, she was forty nine, and we had gone to a jazz pub in Stockport. I am not a big fan of jazz, but there was a semi famous musician on she loved, and so I took her. The best way to describe my girlfriend, would be that for her age, by societies standards, she would be seen as good looking, impeccably dressed, she was slender, took good care of herself, had long flowing vibrant hair, and beautiful eyes. She did get a lot of attention.

We were having a drink and laugh, the place was packed so there was only standing room at the bar, and as I stood there laughing with her, we were approached by a couple, who started talking to us. The guy talked to me, and after all the usual introductions and chit chat about the music, he asked if I had been to a certain night club? I hadn’t and thought nothing of it, he explained it was a place where people met naked, and socialised, and he and his wife would be going there after the band had finished.

 

I was interested, I liked the idea of being able to meet, have a drink and sit around talking naked, at that time in my life, the whole concept appeared to be a wonderful idea, I loved that people could do that. He then informed me, there were what he called “Play Rooms” upstairs, and would we be interested in joining him and his wife for as he put it, “Some Fun?”

Okay, what he did not know, was at that time I was working part time as sexual therapy counsellor, and so I was already way ahead in the game, his wife battered her eyes at me, yeah that was disturbing! It is hard at this point to be tactful, the phrase “Never in million years.” springs to mind. I declined politely.

I am well aware of the swinging community, I have worked with two couples within it, and I will add here, I have no judgement at all about it, I understand completely that community, and I live by the philosophy that what people do with consent, as long as it harms no others, is up to them. The problem was, because I understand the rules of that community, I also understand that no means no!

It appeared to me, this couple did not understand the rules, they continued to try and convince us, I could see him eyeing up my girlfriend, and it was pretty clear what he had in mind, and he pushed and pushed. I made it very clear, we were not on the menu, and yet they still continued, and I began to get annoyed.

It sounds awful, but the only way to stop them, was to insult them, being polite was useless. I looked at him and very rudely told him, “Where is my motivation, you can see what you get, honestly, do you think that, is a fair trade?” He took offence and left.

If I am honest, they came across as being very predatorial, and sexually aggressive, and it felt like borderline harassment, so Okay I am grown up, and trained as a counsellor, so I know the score. The simple truth is, I said no, and it was dismissed by them as they continued to pester us, and I hate being rude to people, but felt my hand was forced, it all felt very unsavoury and distasteful.

When Rin and myself were researching naturisum, and we heard about Cap d Age, we loved the idea of a whole complex with shops etc. devoted to naturism. Hell, if the UK had a naked village, or town, we would probably move there. The thing is, as we read more, and discovered that there was a swinging side to it, I told Rin the story of the two I encountered, and we decided we would never go. So okay, some have told us that element can be avoided and not spoil our time there, but the simple truth is, we have no wish to find out. Those kinds of encounters can be lasting, and naturism needs to guard against them.